The Wicker girls: sugar and spice and everything nice

This week, it’s my honor to host a great blogging and real-life friend, Kate Wicker. Since today’s Friday, she’s sharing her final thoughts as 7 Quick Takes.  (Visit Jen from Conversion Diary for more fabulous takes in quick form.) (In case you missed our discussions earlier this week, Kate shared thoughts on motherhood and writing, her inspiration to write, blogging, and priorities.)

Kate, as we wrap up our week together, talking about motherhood and writing, what advice would you share?

Tip 1. Learn to let go. I used to hate to cut anything from my writing. I was so attached to my words that slashing them was like severing a limb. However, I learned that it was easier for me to edit my work than for it to either not sell or for an editor to change it so much that it didn’t even seem like it was mine any longer. It may hurt a little at first, but take a deep breath and let go of any words and sentences that aren’t absolutely necessary, especially if you have a strict word count to meet (750 words means 750 words). If you’re fond of a particular image (“the trees reached up to the sky like gnarled hands”), then jot it down in a notebook and save it for another piece. Sometimes a sentence or idea may not work for a particular publication (or audience), but it may be perfect for something else.

Tip 2. Never lose sight of why you’re writing. Do you have a good idea? Is there a point of view you want to promote? Do you want to convince someone to think as you do? Do you want to comfort someone, inspire them, reassure them, horrify them, urge them into action or maybe make them laugh? Whatever it is that you (and the editors – you can never lose sight of their needs) want to accomplish, use the language that will get the job done. That’s all that matters. Anything else is like contemplating your navel.

Tip 3. Finally, don’t take yourself too seriously. Sometimes I get in these ridiculously contemplative moods. I might fill a page with a wordy description of one, stinkin’ leaf or I might ponder socialism, vegetarianism, antidisestablishmentarianism or some other ‘ism. When I’m writing about it, it all seems to make sense. Yet, sometimes I have to take a step back and say, “Whoa, wait a minute. What is this? Will others really enjoy reading this??” If the answer is no, then it’s time to move on. If the answer is yes or even maybe, then I can try to sell it. If it sells, hooray! Bring out the champagne. If it doesn’t, que sera, sera. There’s always another market, another editor looking for the right query, another day, another leaf and another ‘ism.

At the end of the day, if I’m not enjoying what I do and am sweating over every single word or rejection, then it’s not worth it. There are too many writers out there who end up sequestered in a little cave with a row of empty gin-and-tonics with an “almost finished” novel and queries that never made it to the outbox. Even if I can’t always write exactly what or how I want, I don’t intend to join that society anytime soon. Neither should you.

Kate’s top 4 books for growing as a writer:

• Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott
• If You Want to Write, by Brenda Ueland
• Word Court, by Barbara Wallraff
• Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg

Many thanks to Kate for a lovely week together.  Be sure to visit her at her blog!  And don’t forget to check out this week’s round-up of Quick Takes!

Do you consider writing a primary part of your work or is it a consequence, a way you get the word out about your ministry?

Kate's always a wife and mom first, but the laptop (or a journal) is usually close by

I’m not sure if writing is a primary part of my work as a mom, but it is a primary part of my life. Like I’ve said, I have to write. It’s just a part of who I am. (Any surprise that my love language is “words of affirmation”?)

I know you have cut back your writing projects over the last few years. How do you prioritize your writing projects while juggling the demands of your vocation as wife and mother?

While I occasionally make reprints available, I’ve made the personal decision to not write for free (unless you include blogging, but I even try to make some money in this forum as well). I know this might make me sound like a heartless money grubber, but a wise veteran mom-writer once told me that I owe my family my time first and anyone who wants to take time away from them needs to make it worth my while. I’ve realized she’s right.

I also schedule writing time into my weekly routine. I used to write every day. This is not always possible anymore, although I usually write something even if it’s just a one-liner prayer in my spiritual journal every single day. (Thank goodness Blogger allows you to preschedule posts; that’s helped a lot.)

But, honestly, as I mentioned above, I’m still working on finding the right balance. I recently was suffering from serious burnout, and I drastically cut back on computer time. It was a very good thing for me to do. I’ve decided that I’m going to take regular breaks from blogging.  This helps give me perspective and helps to renew my body and spirit.

…More from Kate tomorrow, when she shares three tips and four books to wrap up our week together.

Share the mission of your blog, Momopoly, and why you are so dedicated to blogging.

Kate with her newest addition

I can’t really say what pushed me to finally start blogging. I just remember deciding to do it one day. In part, I wanted an outlet as an at-home mom. At the time I started blogging, I was slowly transitioning from doing a lot of freelance writing  to focusing more of my energies on motherhood and being the wife I felt called to be. However, I knew I could never go cold turkey and quit writing completely. I’m a brooder. I like to think about things; writing helps me think in a more ordered fashion. So I guess I started blogging just to keep writing.

But something happened along the way as I started exploring the blogosphere, reading others’ blogs, and hearing from fellow moms in the trenches. Thanks to God’s providence, the blogging world took on a greater purpose: It became a ministry to support women in their vocations as wives and mothers.

Nearly every day a stranger encourages me and reaches out to me through my blog. I’m so thankful for my faithful readers (thanks, Mom!) and anyone who stumbles across my little corner of Cyberspace and drops a line or two. Likewise, there are so many amazing blogs out there that edify me or just make me laugh. What a blessing to have access to so many people whom I never would have met if Al Gore hadn’t invented the Internet. (That last part is a joke.)

There are times when I consider giving up blogging and who knows? Maybe someday I will. But for now I find that it’s a helpful outlet for me as a mom and a writer; however, like everything in life, I do struggle with finding the right balance. Like my kids, I’m a work in progress, too, and I’m trying to allow God to be the author of my life.

…More from Kate tomorrow, when we talk priorities.

What inspired you to pursue writing?

The Wicker girls on the Stone Mountain train

I really became hooked when I landed my first byline in the second grade after writing a story about a periodontal Tarzan who saved children from the ills of cavities, swinging from their incisors to their molars by floss vines. My teacher loved it (to my knowledge she was not married to a dentist) and entered it in a contest. Somehow it won despite the fact that I used the word “neurotic” completely out of context (maybe one of the judges was a dentist), and I started telling people I was going to be a writer.

Later in life I also wanted to be an actress or a horse trainer. I even spent a summer in L.A. pursuing the acting thing and later I was a law student for just over a month, but I knew what I really wanted to do was write. It’s what I’ve always done even if it’s not for an audience. In fact, I still keep an old-fashioned personal journals as well as three journals for each of my daughters where I jot down funny anecdotes, special memories, etc. Recently, a friend told me about a journal she keeps for her children called the “Best of the Best.” She includes best memories, favorite Scripture passages, great recipes, etc. I love this idea, but I’m not sure even a journal addict like me can add another one to my writing life, especially now that I blog as well.

Before becoming a mom I worked as a journalist (my degree is in journalism). I landed my first job as a writer in the marketing department of an academic medical center. I also freelanced on the side writing about everything from physics related to MRI magnets (boooooring) to makeup tips for bride (not so boring). I eventually ended up in my dream job, working on the editorial staff of a regional parenting publication. After I had my first baby, I transitioned to freelancing. My husband was still in school at the time, so I was his sugar mama. I wrote for regional and national publications and mainly covered health and parenting beats. In addition, I supplemented my income with corporate PR work and occasional medical writing for trade publications.

Once my husband finished school, I cut back on some of my assignments and decided to finally listen to God and pursue faith-based markets. I’d felt called to do this for some time, but fear of failure kept me from trying. Plus, I wasn’t a theologian, so how could I really write about faith? Thankfully, several successful Catholic writers encouraged me both as a mom and a writer and I decided to take the plunge.  I now write what I (try!) to live. Since the birth of our third child, I’ve curtailed my freelance work further, but I’ll always be writing about something, somewhere, even if it’s just in a journal on my bedside table. Also, my first love is fiction, and I’d love to write the Great American Novel (or just finish one fictional book) someday.

I’ve had people ask me why I write. I attempt to explain it a bit here, but it’s hard to capture why some people have the compulsion to put things into words. Sometimes I write because I want to learn about something new. As a journalist, I loved the research process, and I enjoyed meeting interesting people who lived very different lives than me. These days as a busy mom, I write more to encourage other moms in the trenches and also to help me sort out my own feelings. Then, of course, there’s a part of me that wants to remember these special years with my children (I have three girls ages 4 and under).

As for my faith life, there’s nothing like writing to concretize your thoughts, to make all that is amorphous take shape and become more real. When I’m faced with spiritual dryness and am having trouble praying, I often write a letter to God or sometimes to Mary. Sometimes my words are a blubbering mess, but other times I see that the Holy Spirit might have been at work, guiding me and helping to frame my thoughts. Reading Scripture is not enough for me; I usually have to write to really digest the Word of God.

…More from Kate tomorrow, when we talk blogging.

Kate, tell us about how writing plays into your life as a mom.

The Wicker girls with style and flair, having fun in the sun

Since becoming a mom, I stumble across column and/or blog fodder even when I’m not looking for it. In fact, my biggest challenge is not writing everything that’s on my mind or in my heart. I’m notorious for trying to do too much, in the writing realm and beyond. I want to blog, write in an old-fashioned journal, keep a fiction journal (where I write the “seeds” for stories), jot down favorite Scripture passages and my thoughts based on them, etc. (I’m a journal junkie.)

The problem is sometimes I’m spending so much time writing or brainstorming about what I’m going to write about that I’m missing out on the very things I surely want to remember.

Motherhood demands I be present in my children’s lives, not just a passive bystander or even a careful observer. I always want to carve out some time to write, but I might not have time to reflect on all of life’s mysteries or to write thought-provoking prose. There will come a day for all that. Maybe. I often say my children are my most important works in progress. I *try* to live a life that reflects that and keeps my other priorities in line.

All that said, I’ve discovered writing complements motherhood well. I was a writer before I became a mom (more on that later) and both pursuits can be solitary. Both demand vulnerability and trust. Both demand labor and sacrifice. Both take a lot out of you sometimes, but they give back plenty.

Perhaps that’s why I keep stringing words together. It’s definitely why I chose “will work for children” as my blog’s tagline. Motherhood evokes a lot of different feelings in me from joy and awe to exhaustion and frustration. When I’m having a rough day on the domestic front, I pray, I often write, and I try to remind myself that despite the challenges, my children not only give me glimpses of pure joy virtually every day – their smiles, their laughter, the way my baby tenderly holds my shirt while I nurse her, the way my older children say, “I love you, Mommy, so much,” when I least expect it – but they are also offering me the possible gift of eternity.

Motherhood is sanctifying. It is the essence of sacrificial love. The holy office of motherhood acts as conduit for graces to flow throughout the entire family unit. Like writing, it demands putting yourself out there. So I do. Over and over. Even when the urge to dig a hole and hide (or cry) is great.

…More from Kate tomorrow, when we talk writing inspiration.