Mama’s Voice

January 10, 2011 By 1 Comment

Part of the Mary Moment Monday series

I hear the bathroom door open, followed by the sound of a baby wailing.

“Work your magic, Mama,” my husband says. He sounds pretty calm, but I remember when he first did this, six years ago, with our oldest daughter.

I was taking my first shower in 36 hours after her birth, savoring the heat and the pressure of the water (which were far better than what we had at home), when he came in the bathroom. He was a bit frazzled, though calm.

“Hey there.” My voice, from the shower, is enough to soothe this infant, just as it soothed his older sister six years ago.

I can’t help but think about this with wonder. I’m not a Baby Person (except sometimes with my own), but my babies don’t care. They know me. They know my voice. And, whatever my failings, they want me.

It’s not much of a lesson in listening, really. And yet…and yet, isn’t the first part of listening — really, actively listening and not just hearing — recognition? I often have to recognize that the voice I’m hearing is one that I can trust, one that has the right to give me information, one that won’t steer me wrong or put me down.

This year, I’m focusing on listening, whether it’s the person on the other end of the line or the room or the person pulling at my hand. I feel called to listen, to explore what that means for my life. My model in this is Mary, who listened when the Gabriel told her the most amazing news, who listened to Simeon and Anna, who listened to the cry of her Son from the cross.

It was Mary’s voice that soothed the infant Jesus. It was Mary’s voice that sang him to sleep. He listened to her even as she listened to him. It fascinates me…and gives me hope.

So this year, as I try to listen, I’m going to remember that in this, as with so much else, I can turn to Mary and use her example.

image source (no, that’s not my kid, though I do have pictures like that)

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Non-Resolutions

January 1, 2011 By 1 Comment

My latest column at CatholicMom.com, “Failed Resolutions,” is more serious than what I’m sharing here today, which is a list updated from a post I did back on the brink of 2008.

Subtitled “Things You Won’t Hear Me Saying This Year”

“Coffee? Never drink the stuff.”

“Um, no, we don’t have any Chips Ahoy or Oreos in the house.” (Assuming, of course, that we maintain our well-ordered universe…)

“Shopping? Sounds like a great way to spend time.”

“Man, I wish I’d never had those kids.”

“I think I’ll spend the day offline.” (On the other hand, maybe I will say that one every once in a while, but it might just kill me…)

“Oh look, my blogroll’s shrinking!”

“Hmm, which blog should I read first? I seem to be all caught up!”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t need any help cleaning. My house is clean already.”

“I was just sitting here, wondering where to find a book to read…”

“No thanks, I’ll pass on the chocolate.”

“I have nothing to say.” (Bet there are people wishing I’d use that one…so maybe that should be some sort of resolution…)

“Twitter? What’s that?”

“I’m bored.”

“I think I’ll take the iPad back. It’s just not what I thought it would be…”

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Gearing Up for Another Year

December 28, 2010 By 8 Comments

Source

The last week of the year always does something to me. My to-do list, already full of things that need done, is suddenly bursting with exciting beginning-of-year tasks: get the new planner rolling, update the finance folders, clear off the desk and put away this year’s stuff.

It’s still Christmas, and the kids wake up each morning and pound downstairs, excited to see what’s in their stocking. (They get three gifts on Christmas Day, then a gift in their stocking for each of the 12 days of Christmas.) I try keep the decorations up until at least Epiphany Sunday, so the glow of Christmas tree lights fills the middle room when I’m up by myself (or with the baby) in the early morning hours.

And oh, I love resolutions…in a love-hate kind of way. This year, instead of making a list, I focused on one word. It’s funny how the word that came to me was “peace,” and this has been a year that’s needed a lot of it: unexpected death, health challenges on many levels, and a new baby.

Last night, I thought of how, at the beginning of this year, I wondered what the point of my life was, what God wanted me to do…with my writing, with my work at the parish, with life in general. The year started very upside-down and topsy-turvy with an unexpected death and severe health concerns in our family. But, looking back over the whole year, I do feel like I got a very clear answer from God. It wasn’t all in one sentence, but I think it’s safe to say that, while I still pray daily for guidance and direction, I have a pretty good idea of what He has in mind for me (in a general sort of sense…the specifics always seem to be up in the air, much to my prefer-to-be-planned dismay).

I’m ending this year with the beginning very much in mind, though it’s through a different lens. The fog of pain has given way to an ache, one that’s always with me but that also has given me a new perspective. I would have never guessed, at the beginning of the year, that I would be holding an infant when I rang in 2011 or that I would have not one, but two book deals as well as a few writing projects on the back burner. I couldn’t have foreseen the joys that this year brought, even amid the pain and the tears.

As we end 2010, I’m in the midst a novena to Our Lady of Sorrows. This has been the year that she has become a patron for our family, I think. This has been the year that I’ve turned to Mama Mary and gripped her hand and let her carry us. This has been the year that I’ve come to appreciate suffering (though I won’t say I like it, that I’m good at it, or that I don’t do a fair share of shaking my fist and complaining about it).

I can’t help but look at the upcoming year, with its blank slate of opportunity and possible pain, with some wonder. How did we make it through 2010? What does 2011 hold? Do I want to know?

What shall I resolve for 2011? I like the idea of one word (it was easy to remember, for one thing), and I think I’m going to approach it that way again. But what word?

What are your resolutions for 2011? Do you have one word or a list?

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Finding Peace This Year

January 9, 2010 By 7 Comments

I started thinking about a one word resolution for the year when I read Rachel Balducci’s recent post at Faith & Family Live, and then, hearing Lisa Hendey and Rachel talk more about it in this week’s Faith & Family Livecast, I found myself suddenly sure that this was something I needed to do.

I knew just the word.

PEACE.

It’s been something that’s been on my mind for quite a while.  I can’t put my finger on when I had the realization that peace was more important to me than almost anything else, but it’s something that struck me like gradual lightening in 2009.

Happiness is overrated.  It’s elusive.  It’s like water in my hands, something I’m always grasping and unable to describe.

Peace, however, is not.

I find peace at Mass; I find peace on my couch in the evenings; I find peace in the mundane tasks of folding and washing and doing.

Peace has come to be an umbrella for me, protecting me from the onslaught of life.  Maybe a better image is that of a special shield all around me.  I know it’s strengthened by prayers, because right now, I’m experiencing it, even in the midst of trials unlike any I could have imagined.

The word of the year, for me, then, is PEACE.  I might even go so far as to try to find some different plaques to hang up around the house and in my office.  I’m going to carry it with me, write it at the top of my planner page, inscribe it in my mind.  It’s going to become my approach to life, the lifeline I use when I reach up to God and ask Him to carry me through the trials.  It will be the code word for whether I answer the phone or let it go to voice mail.  In the evenings, when I’m tossing around the idea of working (despite the fact that Offline Evenings (#6 on this post) are supposed to be the rule), I’m going to remember my word, my goal, my promise to myself.

The photo, incidentally, was taken in February a few years back.  I stepped outside and was overcome by the need to take a picture, capture the sunrise.  Looking at it now, I still smile, feeling that cold morning, the day ahead of me, the wonder of the explosion of color.

What’s your word for the year?

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Resolving to Try

January 3, 2010 By 2 Comments

My column from this weekend’s parish bulletin:

new-year1I have a love-hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions.  On the one hand, I love the organized feeling it gives me to examine my life and promise myself and those I love to improve.  On the other hand, I hate failing.

I fail a lot.  Every year, no matter how small my resolution(s), I still seem to miss the mark.

This year, as I sit with a brand-new calendar in front of me, I can’t help but glance at the school supplies that are halfway through their school year.

In September, breathing crisp fall air, I find myself inspired by unsharpened pencils and the possibilities of blank notebooks.

Those pencils have been sharpened a few times, and a few have lost their erasers.  The notebooks have been scribbled in and the covers are crinkled and bent.

The pencils haven’t always been used for the purpose they were purchased, and the notebooks have been filled with doodles as much as with writing.  They’ve failed a bit in their resolutions too, haven’t they?

Maybe failing isn’t so bad.  Maybe I need that lesson in humility, that prodding that forces me to lay my pride in my Father’s hands.

Maybe, this year, I’ll resolve to try….perhaps I’ll try something God’s been asking of me or try to focus more on His will than on my lost desires.  Maybe I’ll try working out (again) or eating better (again).  And it’s possible I’ll fail (again).

One thing’s for sure:  if I’m letting God lead me, my resolution will start on the right foot.

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The Snooze War

January 2, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I’ve noticed a trend in the last few weeks, and it involves the snooze bar on my alarm clock.

I’ve struggled with this before (even going so far as to make sport of it and weigh the pros and cons), but this time it feels like it needs addressed.

So, thought I, what better way to address it than with a monthly resolution?

What is a monthly resolution? Michelle explains:

Every month I look at where I need to focus my attention. Perhaps I’ve been procrastinating on certain chores. Perhaps I need to spend some extra time with one or more of the kids. Perhaps I’d like to try a new habit. New Month’s Resolutions are not grandiose plans to lose ten pounds or declutter the entire house or give up smoking (of course, I don’t smoke, but if I did, this would not be the venue in which I would give it up). New Month’s resolutions are short-term commitments; they are easily attained goals; they focus on what is needed right now, instead of what is best for a lifetime.

I’ll show that snooze bar who’s boss!  I’ll win the contest!  I’ll…

Wait a minute; if I’m not careful, I’m going to set myself up for failure!

So, this month, during the cold and bitter, the long nights and huddled mornings, I’m going to resist the urge to snuggle down and resort to Snooze Bar Tactics.  This is going to force me to consider the time I go to bed as well as the time I set my alarm.  It’s going to make me think about the end of my day as much as the beginning.

And that’s OK.  It’s a new month.  I’m up for the challenge.

(Oh, and there’s a lot that needs done in those early morning hours, did I mention that?)

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Failed Resolutions

January 1, 2010 By 8 Comments

I love resolutions.  Whether it’s an attempt at small monthly goals or the blank slate of a new year, I have always been motivated by setting goals and making plans.

This year, though, I’m coming up blank.

Maybe it’s the birthday party planning for my five-year-old.  Maybe I’ve just relaxed too much since Christmas.  Maybe…  Well, I don’t know.  This post is as much me “thinking out loud” as anything.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Failed Resolution #1: To get organized

Though I dearly love organization, resolving to “get organized” is a sure recipe for disaster.  I can never live up to the standards in my mind, and lowering them is just. not. an. option.  I need to set bite-sized goals, things that can be accomplished (perhaps even in a few hours on a Saturday).

Failed Resolution #2: To change “them”

This is a sneaky sort of thing that I sometimes forget about.  I can’t change other people; I can hardly change myself!  Whether it’s a daughter or a spouse, a friend or a family member, I need to focus on ME, not THEM.

Failed Resolution #3: To accomplish {fill in with something nearly impossible here, like writing a book}

You know, it’s not going to happen if it’s not the right time.  And though I don’t dispute that having goals is good and worthy and even helpful, this sort of resolution is sure to set me up for a big crash (at least at this point in my life).  Maybe I’m just shooting for the wrong things…  Or maybe I need to trust more.  Or…well, sometimes, as a dear aunt reminded me the other day, there is no why.  (Yoda said that first, from what I understand.)

Failed Resolution #4: Do more

Perhaps what makes this a failed resolution for me, every single time, is that I very rarely have room to do more.  The way I add to my plate is by discernment, and it never ever happens on January 1st.  Though I started writing a regular column last year at the beginning of the year, it was less a “Do More” resolution than a calling that had been some time in coming.  So I won’t be resolving, this year, to do more.  I might end up doing more, yes.  But it won’t be because I have it all figured out, whether what the “more” involves or what the “doing” is.

Failed Resolution #5: Free up some time

This is self-evident, isn’t it?  Except that it’s not, at least for me.   I need reminded not to resolve this.  Every year.

Failed Resolution #6: Not to {fill in with something preposterous, like “waste entire days reading blogs”}

The fact is, I will do these things I vow not to do.  It’s a question of balance.  It’s a question of discipline.  It’s a question of building in down time.

which leads me to…

This Year’s Resolution (The One That Won’t Let Me Down)

To keep letting go and trusting God.  Prayer, first and foremost.  The prayer will be integrated into my daily duties, as I wash dishes or answer the phone, when I’m at home with the kids or at work with my colleagues.  I want to be in line with God’s will, but to do that, I have to be in conversation with Him.  (Which, I’d like to add, is easier said than done for me.)  I do think I’m going to revisit that old habit of having a monthly resolution.  (I used to do that (see here and here), but last year I decided to try something different, though I fizzled out after July.  Time to revisit the old standard!)

Jen has more Quick Takes today at her blog, Conversion Diary.  Stop by and wish her a New Year!

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