This is part of the continuing guest posts by Brittany in the Different Perspective series.

The answer to my questions about God came in the form of the most wonderful boy I had ever met, and the most loving and accepting set of in-laws that I could ever hope for.  I had no reason not to, so I started going to Mass every Saturday, and I loved it!  I think that the saints are so cool, and the ceremonies are so inspiring (although I think the Methodists have better hymns).

When we decided to get married, I even started down the road to becoming Catholic.  In the end, I couldn’t fool myself, and I had too much respect and affection for both my in-laws and the priest to fake it.

In the end, this is what it comes down to for me: I just can’t believe that there really is a God, no matter how hard I try.  I know a lot of social scientists who don’t, and studying extraordinary beliefs (even though we can’t study believing in God, because God is outside of science) might be the reason, I think most of us had doubts before graduate school.

I’ve never been able to believe in things that don’t have tangible effects, and for me, there are no effects enacted by God that can’t be explained by human factors.  But, as any good scientist will tell you, God is outside of science, and I fully acknowledge that my non-belief is exactly that: a matter of belief. I would never presume to think that people who do believe in God are stupid or naïve.

I still enjoy going to church, even though I’m not a believer (I hope no one is offended by my presence).  I have always liked the singing, which was always the part I enjoyed the most as a child.  I like the feeling of community that suffuses the church; I like the quietness and the peace and the light streaming through old stain glass windows.  I like the messages of hope and love and compassion and goodness delivered in the sermon.  I like holding hands with my husband, and smiling at my family, and wishing them peace.

I like the sentiment, and I appreciate it.  I just approach it from a different direction.  Similarly, I look forward to the baptisms of my nieces and nephews as celebrations of their new lives; I marvel at how mature they’ve become, and how amazing it is that they’re old enough to receive first communion or confirmation.

In other words, I love my family and respect their beliefs, even though I have not come to hold the exact same ones.

Next week, Brittany will discuss “coming out” as an atheist.

This is part of the continuing guest posts by Brittany in the Different Perspective series.

Even as a small child, I had skeptical tendencies. As a toddler, I had to personally determine whether “hot” meant the same thing for fire, water, the furnace, the stove, candles, and the liquid potpourri. (I like to think that this is a sign of my natural curiosity, rather than stupidity, because I am a social scientist, so now I have a job that eerily parallels this experience, as experiments have to be replicated over and over before an effect can be deemed valid.)

I spent my childhood in a state of apathetic agnosticism once I was old enough to ask existential questions. I went to church every Sunday, but I had my doubts, mostly because some of the kids that spent the most time there and whose parents were the most “devout” were the least Christian, in the sense that Christian means kind or humble or charitable or at least unlikely to make fun of you and pull your hair.

I was a thoughtful kid who grew up to be a skeptical adult, and I couldn’t help noticing that my prayers for people to be less poor or to not die went unanswered.  “Mysterious ways” didn’t seem like a good justification for arbitrary punishments to be meted out to good people, at the same times hypocritical and plain selfish behavior went presumably unnoticed.

What kind of God, thought my seven-year-old self, could be so capricious and cruel?  If there was a God, thought my ten-year-old self, where is he and what exactly is he doing?  If coincidences and self-delusions are so likely, thought my twenty-something-self, why should I believe in the supernatural at all?

In next week’s post, Brittany will discuss being a respectful family member.

Photo by NCBrian

This is the first in the guests posts by Brittany in the Different Perspective series.

Hi, I’m Brittany, and I’m an atheist.

Sometimes, I really feel like my personal beliefs are a character flaw rather than an important freedom.  Maybe “failed Christian” would be a more appropriate moniker, because although I am an atheist now, two very significant periods of my life were spent in worship: my childhood and my late teens.

I was raised by Methodist parents, who were themselves raised by Methodist parents, who were raised by Quakers and Baptists and Methodists, and there might even be some Catholic ancestors, because I have Catholic great aunts.  But the point is that my family is Christian, through and through, and during my formative years, I spent every Sunday in church, every summer in Bible school, and every evening saying the Lord’s Prayer before bed.  So if I’m atheist, it’s surely not the result of apathetic parents.

It isn’t as if I didn’t try my hardest to believe in God. I jokingly tell my mother that the seed was sown when I found out that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all made up, but really, there is a grain of truth to it.  Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy leave presents and are featured in movies and greeting cards.  I know what Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy looked like.  They are supposed to show up, and they do, with presents.  Santa even grants wishes.  You ask him for a specific gift and you often get it.

These imaginary characters seemed more real than God.  No one knows what God looks like; he “works in mysterious ways” (which meant I should ask Santa, rather than God, for the Barbie Doll, and that no matter how much I prayed, Mommy and Daddy couldn’t stay home to play with me all day).  To a child, God is the least tangible of the “imaginary” characters, but He turns out to be the only genuine article.  My little kid self thought that something was wrong with that picture.

Next week, Brittany continues the series with “Child Skeptic.”

Photo from Weather Image Gallery