(card via Shutterfly)
just another day of Catholic pondering by Sarah Reinhard
It happens every year: I catch myself saying, with varying level of drama, “I HATE CHRISTMAS!”
My husband points out, every year, that this simply isn’t true. “You know you love it,” he gently reminds me.
He has a point. I don’t really HATE Christmas. In fact, it is at Midnight Mass—or thanks to the memory of it on the years we can’t attend—that I find myself really accepting the truth of the Incarnation, being struck by the wonder, smiling at the beauty of the Baby in the manger.
And that brings us to precisely what I hate when I say, often vehemently, I hate Christmas.
I hate Advent turning into Christmas. I hate Christmas ending when the clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns to the 26th. I hate feeling like I’m speaking a foreign language when I suggest that Christmas parties would be fun—and more appropriate—in the week following Christmas.
Christmas is a season, but the season doesn’t actually begin until December 25. Though our retail empires try to get us in the “spirit” earlier and earlier, all hearing carols in October does for me is make me harrumph and bah-humbug even sooner than usual.
Recently, a dear friend, in a fit of what I assume was frustration, looked at me and asked, “Can’t you get past yourself? It’s CHRISTMAS!”
Well, my analytical brain responded, it actually IS NOT Christmas…and then it hit me.
I place a bigger expectation on Christmas than what anyone can make it deliver. It’s not until I place myself humbly before the poor, helpless Baby that I realize that it’s not about me.
It never was. And it’s not supposed to be.
To that friend, thank you. To my family, thank you. And to that Baby, THANK YOU.
I’ll struggle my way through Advent, trying to fight the uphill battle against misplacing the meaning of the season. And as I journey through Advent this year, I’m going to remember the penance and try the impossible task of not railing against what isn’t really Christmas at all.
This “Finding Faith in Everyday Life” column originally appeared in The Catholic Times.
It made me think how some of the very best gifts I’ve gotten are those that aren’t necessarily something I’ve asked for.
For the mom who wants time alone:
Oh yes, you can be awesome and give her an entire Saturday, but you could also arrange to give her an hour or two every Saturday through the winter, couldn’t you? Winter seems to be a particularly challenging time for me (mentally and physically), and the opportunity to be alone every week would be a truly wonderful gift.
Make this gift really shine by involving Eucharistic Adoration somehow.
For the mom who needs a nap:
Well, you could make her a coupon or certificate for a nap anytime she wants, but you could also support vocations and hook her up with some Mystic Monks coffee. I had a subscription for a couple of years, and as soon as I can swing it, I plan to get one again. Their Midnight Vigils Blend is every bit as good as everyone says it is, and I’m also partial to their Cowboy Blend.
They just started selling tea, and it’s possible that my long affiliation with Republic of Tea (their ginseng peppermint is high on my list of favorites) could be endangered…
For the mom whose list is longer than your arm:
It’s possible she’s bad at planning or that she’s bitten off more than she can chew. It’s also possible that she’s just in that season of life where things are busy. So why not offer her your help–your actual, physical, full-attention self for a few hours every week? Now, mind you, you might have to be a little sneaky about this. She might nod and thank you and expect you to forget. There’s some accountability you’re going to have to take on to really give this as a gift of yourself to this mom. But wrapping a virtual ribbon around yourself and offering to fold laundry, do dishes, juggle schedules, or any number of other things will be something she won’t ever forget.
For the mom who likes to read:
A gift certificate might be appropriate, but it’s more fun to have something wrapped under the tree, don’t you agree? How about A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul, by Lisa Hendey, or Stealing Jenny, by Ellen Gable? If she’s tech-savvy, download the Kindle app to her computer, phone, or tablet and hook her up with some of the many free books that are available? (Here’s a site I found the other day with free books available online.)
For the mom who’s technology-challenged:
Can you offer to be tech support for her? To take care of all the annoying little things that come up with her computer, her phone, or her other devices? Can you program her TV, make the remote work with the DVD player, or set up the computer to leave her alone about the anti-virus controls?
For the mom who never stops doing laundry:
Here’s an idea: give her a day off every month. Now, to do this successfully, you have to be able to do that laundry she would have done that day. And “doing” laundry doesn’t just mean washing and drying it. It means folding it and putting it away. And I don’t mean “putting it away eventually,” I mean “putting it away before she gets home.” The idea is that she has a day (or, in the cases of smaller families, maybe a whole week) free from laundry. This is especially good for those moms who hate laundry.
For the mom who needs a friend:
I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend. I have plenty of other friends, mind you, but this one friend is the one I lean on and turn to when I’m feeling particularly cranky or happy. She appreciates the little silly excitements in my day and she also reminds me when I might need to head to Confession or make an appointment for Adoration. Every mom deserves a friend…and while you might not be able to give the mom in your life a friend, you can carve out time to make it possible for her to go and spend time with Jesus, can’t you? Whether it’s making it possible for her to attend daily Mass or allowing her to escape to Adoration, Jesus is the best Person she can spend time with, don’t you agree?
For any mom:
I haven’t met many moms who don’t appreciate some form of homemade gift. One year, for my husband, I recorded my then-three-year-old singing songs for him and burned them to a DVD. I’ve caught him listening to them on his iPod, too. He loves them. And, truth be told, so do I. So, whoever the mom you’re gifting for, consider something homemade, with your heart in it. She’s sure to love it and to appreciate the fact that your heart’s in it.
Your turn! What ideas do YOU have for moms?
May joy fill you and blessings abound, from our family to yours!
–
With all the hurry and scurry of shopping, decorating, and preparing the foods that make the season of Christmas festive, we dig out the songs of the season to get us in the mood. In nearly every song, the words speak of one central message: peace.
One of my favorite songs right now is Alan Jackson’s “Let it be Christmas Everywhere.”
Let it be Christmas everywhere, in the hearts of all people both near and far. Feel the love of the season where ever you are. On the small country roads lined with green mistletoe or big city streets where a thousand lights glow. Let every heart sing, every bell ring. Let heavenly music fill the air; let anger and fear and hate disappear. Let there be love that lasts through the year and let it be Christmas everywhere.
Let every heart sing, let every bell ring the story of hope, and joy and peace. In the songs that we sing and the gifts that we bring, in what this day means, in what we believe.
Christmas has an enchanted feel to it like no other time of the year. This is the one special time when peace is possible — not just peace in our world, but inside us, too. That somehow the songs and the prayers would sink into our hearts and transform us is the hope of so many.
In Michael Buble’s song, “My Grown-up Christmas List,” he asks if he can still be helped somehow with his grown-up list for a world in need.
No more lives torn apart, wars that never start, and that time would heal all hearts. Every man would have a friend, that right would always win, and love would never end. This is my grown-up Christmas list. This is my only life’s wish, my grown-up Christmas list.
This year, really listen to the messages of your favorite songs. Don’t just let the music carry you away to the kitchen to bake yet another batch of Grandma’s cookies — let the message sink in. It is the universal need and yearning for Christ’s peace to transform us. With one transformed heart, others will follow.
I often shy away from reviewing children’s books, even when the authors offer them to me for free. I find it so much harder than “regular” books, in part because I have to involve other people (my kids) in the review process. I think there’s also less wiggle room for a good book when it comes to the children’s genre.
But I couldn’t say no to Little Star, the latest by Anthony DeStefano. For one thing, the author’s email was a delight. For another…look at that cover. (Yes, I know. I’m advocating judging a book by its cover.)
I’ve had this book sitting on my desk, waiting to write this review, for a couple of weeks. There’s been more than just my own procrastination at play, though (and I can’t fully blame the baby)…my girls, especially my three-year-old, keep finding it on my desk and claiming it.
That’s not not the only reason I highly recommend this for every child on your shopping list. It has great illustrations and a simple narrative. Within the story, there’s a Christmas message that’s quaint and thought-provoking: my five-year-old has brought up parts of it since our first reading about a month ago.
The premise behind the book is a retelling of the Nativity story, focusing on the star of Bethlehem. This star is a sort of outcast, and he finds himself with a bit of a mission, one that he takes on out of love for the newborn Savior.
I look forward to many years of reading Little Star with the children in my life. Highly recommended.
More clicking:
A guest post by Katharine Grubb, who’s graced us with her wit, humor, and wisdom before. Katharine is a bread-making, novel-writing, homeschooling mother of five. She lives in the cold city of Boston, Massachusetts, and thinks her husband should trick out her iPhone for Christmas. Her blog is www.10MinuteWriter.com, and you can also find her on Twitter (@10MinuteWriter) and Facebook.
I am a mother of five children, which means, for me, that Christmas is a lot of work. I want to hear my children’s hearts about their wishes. I want the extended family to be satisfied with their gifts. I want our Christmas dinner to be special. I want the decorations to be dazzling, not shabby. Oh, and somewhere in there, I want to communicate the real reason of Christmas to my children. No pressure.
The reality is that sometimes I get overwhelmed by the expectations I have put on myself to make Christmas fantastic. I have to stop, often, and remind myself what is important and what isn’t. This isn’t easy, especially when guilt and condemnation hang around like a couple of unwanted Christmas spirits, but it can be done.
Here are six steps any mom can take to ease the burden of the holiday:
1. Be In Unity With Your Husband. Try to sit down with him and formulate a plan for Christmas. How much money will you spend? Which relatives will you visit? Which parties will you attend? What traditions are important for your family? If you have a plan, and you stick with it, it will make all the difference in your season.
2. Be Careful That You Don’t Start With Ambitious Precedents. When I only had two small children, I decided that each Christmas they would get a handmade gift from me. This was ambitious because I’m not usually that crafty. But I was under the impression that THIS WAS IMPORTANT. I went to Jo Ann Fabric and explained to the saleslady (I’m quite talkative to salespeople) that I was pregnant, suffering from high blood pressure, but darn it, I was going to make these stuffed dolls for my girls. The sales lady, who was very wise, said, “Those babies don’t need a doll. They need you. Go home and go to bed.” She was right. And that was the last year I made homemade gifts for my kids. Check your plan. Do you have “traditions” that are really not worth the stress?
3. Be Realistic About What Kids Remember. That same Christmas, my husband got a stomach bug on Christmas Eve and threw up all the next day. My baby girls (then 2 and 3) opened their gifts in between him running to the bathroom. We ate tuna salad. He ate Cheerios. It was NOT the end of the world.
4. Get a Long-Term Perspective. Did you know that Christmas comes every year? You will have many, many Christmases ahead of you to be an awesome mom. You don’t have to hit this year’s out of the park.
5. Rethink Everything Your Mother and Grandmother Does. Why exactly do they cook the elaborate meals, get studio photos taken and hand make every gift? Why? If your “guilt” to be like them is your only motivation for doing these things, then it’s definitely time to rethink and possibly discard some of those binding expectations. For example, I haven’t sent out Christmas cards since 2004. And, thanks to Facebook, I never will again.
6. Keep Things Simple For Toddlers. When my girls were little we called Christmas ‘Baby Jesus Day’. We lit candles for Advent (wish I had battery powered ones then) and played with our Fisher Price nativity scene. It was enough for them to see that Christmas was bigger than toys that Gramma gave us.
Jesus didn’t come to this earth for us to be full of anxiety. Let’s do what we can to address our fears, confess our concerns and proactively take control of our expectations for ourselves. If we do that, then our Christmas will be merry indeed.
Here at Snoring Scholar, you'll find marriage and motherhood, book talk and rambling remarks, observations and distractions, in the midst of life in rural Ohio on a farm, with kids, critters, and Catholic flair.
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