Playing God

It had been an especially challenging day with the Jack Russell Terror. My husband and I had a halfway serious discussion about shooting him. (I was the one who was halfway; Hubby would have shot him long ago!)

Then we got The Call. It was a call that I know my husband is always waiting for: one of the Men in the Family needed his help. He had been trapping some pesky coons that have been winning the Human-Critter Battle all summer, and since he lives In Town (population 600, max), he didn’t have a way to dispose of them. Enter Hubby, and his handy-dandy every-farmer-needs-one rifle.

The halfway serious discussion came up again.

“It’s your call.” He had his work coat on, gloves ready on the table, rifle laid out flat and waiting.

“Well.” I admit it: I was tempted. I still am. The dog is whining at the door, knowing Something is up. He can probably smell the coons from here. He’s a good critter dog, and I hate that there’s fondness in my heart for him, because it’s been such a tough day.

I can’t get past, though, the game of playing God. We do it so much in our culture. No, I don’t really think it’s a big deal with my dog, though I have known people who would think it’s a bigger deal with my dog than it is with that unborn baby a few miles away. In fact, I used to be one of those people, though my agricultural roots kept me from swinging too far into PETA’s camp.

How could I consider shooting my pet, who’s part of my family? Would I do that to my daughter? (Some days, it’s probably better not to ask that question!) Would I do that to my husband? (Honestly, no. The man’s a saint. Really – he’s the one who needs a support group, being married to me!) Would I shoot my friends? (Wellllllllll…) So how can I consider shooting my pet?

You might notice a difference between my pet and all the other options on that list. My pet is not human. He might live in the same house, and on a lucky night, sleep in the same bed, as I do. He might eat the same food and he might be willing to die to protect us.

And yes, today, I would play God and shoot him.

See how un-God-like I am? All those years of sinning and committing every last one of the seven deadly sins – some twice – and God forgave me. That long list of failings I have – the things I have done and the things I have failed to do – and God continues to forgive me.

See how badly I play God? My experience with God has been mostly forgiveness and healing repentance, not just rewards for my barking and whining and pooping in hidden corners. I have become a better person (I hope!) by trying to get closer to God through prayer and devotion; I fall short far more often than I hit the mark, yet God accepts the person I am and challenges me to keep trying.

This is how one person plays God with a dog. I can’t help but think about the babies who die every day because people play God, instead of turning to God for help. I can’t help but think about the many times I have “killed” my neighbor – the same one that last week’s Gospel exhorted me to love – through my foul thoughts or mean-spirited intentions. I can’t help but think about the reasons why I don’t deserve to be here, even as I feel grateful for the grace that allows me to keep puttering along.

We’ll have more challenging days with the JRT. And God will have more challenging days with me. Guess it’s the least he can do, and why not? After all, HE is the one who has to play God. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad the responsibility’s off my shoulders!

What’s that gnawing in my closet?

It’s that time of year when the leaves are brilliant, the corn is harvested, and the car is frosty. The clothes in our closets are mostly inappropriate, and the closet itself is awaiting the Clothes Swap Extravaganza.

There’s something else in the closet too.

In the wee hours of the night, Hubby woke up and turned on the closet light. Something stirred me in his moving around, and I sat up and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“There’s something digging in the closet.”

He left the closet light on for most of the night – it was off when I got up this morning, but I’m guessing the Critter didn’t do that. I went back to sleep, disturbed by dreams of Critters in my closet.

Just what could it be? And why does it think that my closet is an ideal place for it to be? How soon will we find it, or how soon will it get through?

I can’t help but look inward, then, and wonder about the Things in my soul, sneaking out of sight when I turn on the light of examination. They’re just under the floorboards, rattling away in the dark. It’s too easy to dismiss them as unimportant, inconsequential, silly little Things. But, like Thing One and Thing Two, the Things in my soul can wreak havoc if they get out into the big room.

As my husband said last night, “That critter doesn’t know we have a dog.” The Jack Russell Terror knows something’s up in our closet, although he doesn’t have it all figured out, because we keep our bedroom door closed much of the time. He hasn’t started his obsessive digging and clawing to rid us of the Critter (and we’re glad for that).

The Things in my soul don’t know about the Protector I keep there, or maybe they just don’t care. I think their sender knows, but doubts whether I keep that Dawg inside all the time. I have to remind myself to nurture my Protector and my Strength. I need to keep a steady diet of Scripture and holy writings, and I must not slack on my prayers. My focus must be heavenward, even as my feet travel along terra firma. With my head in the clouds, closer to my Maker and my Protector, I have to trust that the floorboards are strong enough in the closet of my soul. I have to be ready. I have to remember that my Strength comes from above.

Jack Russell Terror

There should be a support group for owners of Jack Russell terriers. Well, there probably is, but we live out here in the boonies, and I probably wouldn’t drive to the Big Town for it anyway. As I was hollering at him, reflecting on how we should apply for the Dog Whisperer to come to us (and how he never has Jack Russells on his show!), I couldn’t help but draw some parallels between myself and the dog. I couldn’t help but picture God, standing at the kitchen door, hollering his heart out at me, frustrated to the gills, red in the face. But then I wonder, does God get that frustrated? Reading the Old Testament accounts, I think maybe he does. And I have to credit my patron saints for my survival this long, I’m sure! I’m not sure what has kept Petie around so long (I can sure understand why there are rescues for these blasted dogs, let me tell you!), except maybe a grudging fondness on our (mostly my) part.

When he pulls clothes through the venting holes of the hamper, tearing delicates and shredding t-shirts, all because he managed to get his ball or toy in the hamper and needs it out NOW, I could strangle him. In the silence of the pre-dawn house, as I cozy up with my mug of coffee and putter around doing my morning chores, his unexpected barks stop my heart and give me a year less to live! And then there is the happy dashing from one end of the five acres to the other, right after he has been standing outside clamoring to get in. He’ll chase cars on the road – he’s smart enough not to go out on the road, though we worry when we see cars swerving away from him (which only encourages him and makes them his victim). He hogs the bed and steals my covers and scratches so hard sometimes in the middle of the night that he wakes me up.

So how must it be for God? I complain because I feel I’m in the spiritual desert, yet I turn away from the oasis of his love and forgiveness by not going often enough to confession. I gripe about the failings of those angelic people around me, all the while poisoning the very air I speak in with my foul attitude. I admire the saints for their humility, but so often to put it in practice for myself. I feel compassion for people, but then do not help the needy in my midst. I am given so much, but all I see is how much I lack.

Do you suppose there’s a support group for God, as he deals with Jack Russell humans?

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