empty nest

School Seasons, by Mark Szewczak

Here we are, the end of the Summer, and the world is full of school preparation activities. Final shopping expeditions and the back-to-school sales, packing for college or final summer vacations, young folks preparing for the next year or first year of high school, little ones excited about seeing friends again or sorry that endless playtime is over, that very, VERY first day of school. Everywhere the world is taking a large collective breath, counting down, buzzing with anticipation.

Right?

Of course, even for a couple of empty-nesters like my wife and me. I had this worry thing in my mind when our last one left the nest and entered the working world. No grandkids yet. It was strange facing this empty freedom stretching before us through Autumn, into Winter, into the rest of our lives. It sent me into a funk, that idea of growing old and useless and all that.

But…it hasn’t happened yet. I find myself surprised that my world still revolves around the cycle of the school year. Time still is determined by when kids have Christmas breaks, by the school pageants at church, and the anticipation of the Summer recess filled with vacations and outdoors.

What gives? Why am I still in this cycle? I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Old habits die hard? Maybe. After all, it’s been 30-plus years of the school year routine ingrained into our psyches. Yet somehow that doesn’t feel quite right. The question remains: Why do we who are without little ones follow this yearly school cycle?

I think I have part of an answer. See if you agree: the cycle of the school year really isn’t about school. Our little smidgen of God’s universe works in a seasonal flow. We know that, it’s obvious. The school year, holidays, farm planting cycles, work opportunities, the rainy seasons and hurricane seasons and dry times are linked to the cycle of the Earth’s seasons.

We see the school year because we find it familiar. Having kids going to school for 30 years means I still see the year oriented around school. If I was a farmer, I would see the year oriented around soil prep, planting, fertilizing, harvesting. For a baker, the year revolves around holidays and wedding seasons…same with florists. These human, social, work, and school activities overlay the seasons on God’s Earth. The Divine Planner made us a part of this miraculous parade of the seasons. Pretty simple, pretty dramatic. Maybe scary.

Now consider one of Jesus’ teachings as described in the Gospel of Matthew:

Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you…?

And then the take-home message for me:

Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. (Mathew 6: 26-30; 32-33, New American Bible)

So there is a hint of an answer for me and a great deal of relief. I don’t really worry much anymore about the empty nest. My wife and I are anxious less often about being older or not having kids to send off to school or should we take a vacation in October because we CAN.

My nest may be empty but my life, seeking God’s kingdom, is not ended. I am finding that there are many seasons of social interaction that have always existed but that I didn’t see.

In seeking His kingdom as first priority, the cycle of the year can be one of joy and fulfillment and service. My hours and days in reality are quite full. I realize I have a place here and a part to play, one given to me by our Heavenly Father. A plan in harmony with all the seasons, leading to the Kingdom.

Oh, and that empty nest? They will all be home to celebrate Labor Day.

Guest Post: Empty Nest, by Mark Szewczak

One of the greatest blessings of my blogging has been meeting friends who are not “virtual” at all, but who are real. Mark Szewczak has been one such friend for me for a year or so. Together with his wife, Nancy, he has inspired me with his ongoing faith, his honesty about his struggles, and his unconditional support. Today, he shares a reflection about his role as a father in an almost-empty nest.

Mark, with his wife Nancy

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A few days ago after a windy, stormy night I came across a bird’s nest lying on the grass. It was from last season and the storm had dislodged it. It was still one of God’s marvels even after having spent the winter high in a tree untended and falling 40 feet to the ground.

Looking it I felt a twinge of sadness. The fine weaving work, now discarded and a bit rumpled, was once the nursery for a family of birds. What happened to those babies? Did the parents survive the rough winter?

But there was also a deeper, more personal sadness. I am a dad of three adult kids and our youngest will be leaving home next year to marry and start her own family.

My wife and I spent have spent most of our married time raising these kids to be adults. We (mostly she) did the day-to-day work of cooking, laundry, carting them from place to place — you know the drill.

Somewhere in the spare minute when we weren’t too tired, my wife and I would speak of the why behind our daily what, where, when, how. We reminded each other that these children were on loan to us. We needed to prepare them to leave their home and go into the world and do good, honoring Christ by serving their neighbors.

I won’t pretend we were perfect or always confident about it, and we sure made our share of mistakes. Somehow through the grace of God in our lives, time passed, our children grew, and now we are facing the ”empty nest” time of our lives.

I think it’s OK to feel a little lost. In the midst of the complete love we share as a family and as individuals, it is a life change for my wife and me. We have shifted from caregivers and nurturers to confidants and advisors.

While my wife and I are relearning what it means to be a couple, the excitement of being able to consider “what’s next” is now part of what we think about before falling asleep or during daydream moments.

Both of these observations are grounded in what I continue to learn from our heavenly Father. He is my confidant, my safety net, and my Dad, who makes me smile, who tells me I am worthwhile, who loves me so completely that it’s crazy.

He taught me what it means to be a dad. He was there when I didn’t know what I was doing.

Now I need to remember to trust Him with the next phase of our lives, the “empty” part. I suspect He has plans for us so that life won’t be empty at all. Alone I give into the sadness of what has ended, clutching the remnants of the past. My prayer these days is to embrace this season, let go, and follow His lead.

“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.” Eccl 3:1