Looking Closer at the Hail Mary: AND

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

A reflection on the word “AND”

By Ginny Kubitz Moyer

When I was single, signing birthday cards was a straightforward process.  At the end of my message, I’d scribble “Love, Ginny,” and that was that.

Post-wedding, the process became a bit more complicated:  “Love, Ginny” gave way to “Love, Ginny and Scott.”   With the exchange of vows, I’d acquired not just a new last name but a longer written signoff.

Now, as the mother of two, signing a card is more complicated still:   “Love, Ginny, Scott, Matthew, and Luke.”    It’s no longer something I can dash off in three seconds; it takes more time, more space on the paper, and more muscle movement.  Sometimes, when I’m feeling lazy, I just scrawl “Ginny, Scott, and boys.”  When really pressed for time, I’ll make do with a quick “Ginny and Co.”

But regardless of which option I choose, there’s always an “and” in my signoff.  I’m no longer just one person, but part of a unit.  I’m part of a little family which, ten years ago, literally did not exist.

And I like that.

Admittedly, there are times when it’s not easy to be part of an “and.”  On the rare days when we arrange a sitter and go to the movies, my husband wants to see the latest action flick while I would rather watch the movie about English women in bonnets and gloves.  (Compromise ensues.)  As a mom, I find that one of my kids invariably needs my attention just when I’m getting rolling on a writing project.  Back when I was pregnant, the demands of being an “and’ were even more taxing; there was a little person inside me who ate everything I ate and drank everything I drank (goodbye alcohol, normal amounts of caffeine, and Brie).

But when I really think about this word, I can’t help but see it as a positive.  “And” means more.  It signifies abundance.  It means that you are not alone, but part of a family or a community.  It means sharing a past and present and future.  It means having someone else there with you, by your side and on your side, through smooth sailing and through storms.

And when I think about Mary, it’s obvious that she knew all about being part of an “and.”  In the Bible, we read about Mary and Joseph,  Mary and Elizabeth,   Mary and the beloved apostle,  Mary and the apostles in the upper room.  Throughout the Gospels, we catch numerous glimpses of a woman in relationship with others.  Those relationships surely sustained her in moments of joy and wonder, in moments of confusion and uncertainty, in moments of excruciating pain – and in moments of astonishing new life.

Most of all, there’s the relationship that we see depicted on Christmas cards and in art museums all over the world.   It’s the relationship between Madonna and child, Mary and Jesus, mother and son.  It’s about two people, one who grew inside the other, sharing a connection that is universal and intimate and beautiful.

It’s the “and” that has changed the world.

Ginny Kubitz Moyer is the author of Mary and Me: Catholic Women Reflect on the Mother of God (which I highly recommend!). She blogs about faith, motherhood, and her serious book addiction at Random Acts of Momness.

image credit: MorgueFile

The Big Wait, by Ginny Moyer

I’ve been a fan of Ginny Moyer‘s for as long as I’ve known her (I interviewed a while back, if you’re interested). Her wonderful book, Mary and Me, is one that I recommend wholeheartedly, and her blog is no less delightful (full of little boy stories, musings on Mary, and Catholic goodies to boot!). I’m deeply appreciative of the wisdom she shares today, so close to the end of our Advent journey. Thanks, Ginny, for stopping over!

“Don’t worry, Ginny.  The right guy is out there.  You’ll meet him when you least expect it.” I heard this thousands of times between the ages of 18 and 28, from supportive friends and family.  (“Oh, and you should try meeting men at church events,” my mother would always add.)  In spite of such encouragement, it was hard to keep the faith during an entire decade of trouble-plagued relationships and bland blind dates.

If I knew I would find a soul-mate eventually, I thought, I could stand this. If only I knew that there would be a Mr. Darcy at the end of this long journey, then I could stomach the wait. Not knowing was the most brutal part.

And then I met my husband Scott. (We met at a church picnic, no less, proving that Mom Is Always Right.) Forget Mr. Darcy: I had found Mr. Moyer.

Fast-forward a few years. Scott and I were eager to have a family, but my first pregnancy was an ectopic, when the baby implants itself in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus.  The emotional pain was hard to describe, even for a writer like me. But we tried again, hoping that I wouldn’t be one of the 30% of women who have a second ectopic.

Pregnancy #2 looked great: at six weeks we saw a beautiful little embryo in my uterus. Four weeks later, though, an ultrasound showed that the baby had no heartbeat.

I felt like I’d been drop-kicked by God.  The pain of the loss was awful in and of itself, and it was intensified by my deep, tenacious doubts about our future fertility.  What were the chances we’d be able to have a child at all?  If I knew that I would be a mom eventually, I scribbled in my journal, then all of this would be a little easier to bear.  It’s the not knowing that is so hard.

Four years later, in the Advent season of 2010, my two sweet little boys nap in their rooms as I write this.

Sometimes, it’s downright brutal to wait. It takes a lot of fortitude to be patient when the outcome is far from certain. But that’s one of the great things about Advent: it comes with a guarantee that we rarely get in other areas of life. I don’t have to sit here as the days roll on, wondering if and when Jesus will show up, become man, and enter into the messy brokenness of our lives. I don’t have to wonder whether that wonderful goodness will ever cross my life’s path.

Because it will. Actually, it already has. And in a life that is full of anxious waiting, waiting that is marked by fear and fragile attempts at faith, it is a blessing to wait with such confidence. I can breathe easily. I can enjoy the process. I can be eager, not anxious.

And maybe I can pick up some skills that will help with my next big wait, whatever it is.

image by holly henry

Ginny and Me

Today, I’m honored to welcome Ginny Moyer for an interview.  Ginny blogs at Mary and Me and is the award-winning author of Mary and Me: Catholic Women Reflect on the Mother of God (which I reviewed a while back).

Ginny, I’ve gotten to know you through your blog and your book.  For those readers who aren’t familiar with your work, share a bit about yourself.

Mary and MeThanks for asking!  I’m a thirty-something mother of two young boys, Matthew and Luke (this is usually where people start cracking evangelist jokes).  I’m also a writer, high school teacher, blogger, gardener, and sporadic exerciser.    Last year my book, Mary and Me: Catholic Women Reflect on the Mother of God, was published.  It’s a book in which forty-six women of all ages share their own experiences of the Blessed Mother.   Writing the book was an amazing experience … more on that in the next question.

On my blog, I identify myself as a “formerly lapsed Catholic.”  That seems like an odd way to introduce oneself, but it’s such a huge part of my identity as a writer and just as a human being, too.  I was a cradle Catholic who went to parochial schools through high school.  In college and my early twenties, I basically wanted nothing to do with Catholicism.  But then, in graduate school, I began to be pulled back to the faith.  For the last twelve years, I’ve been on a really joyful (and often very surprising) journey of reengaging with Catholicism, and getting to know it as an adult.

I know you’re a big fan of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Ginny.  How did that devotion start, and how does it play out now that you’re a mother yourself?

My elementary school was staffed by the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.  They had a very strong Marian devotion, and that permeated most aspects of the school.  As a kid, I really admired Mary.  She was so beautiful and queenly.

During my years away from Catholicism, I had a very different reaction to Mary.  She seemed to represent lots of negative things, like passivity and unreachable perfection.  I was pretty disenchanted with her during my early twenties.  But as I reengaged with Catholicism, I began to see that there was so much more to her than I’d thought.  Little by little, she began to edge her way into my affections, and I started to see her as a very strong, even gutsy woman.

Interestingly, it was tragedy that helped take my devotion to another level.  Before my sons were born, I suffered two pregnancy losses – an ectopic and a miscarriage.  Each of those losses ended up bringing me closer to Mary, in ways that I would never, NEVER have expected (I go into the details in Mary and Me).  And as I wrote the book, and as I talked to so many diverse women about their experiences of Mary, I just kept finding more about her to love.

And gosh, as a mom, I just adore her.  It’s such a relief to know that she “gets it” – the unconditional love and the mom-worry and the absolute terror that I feel at the mere thought of ever losing my boys.   What a gift to have such a woman in my faith life!

Ginny Kubitz MoyerAs a Catholic wife and mother, what are your biggest faith hurdles?  How do you work to overcome them?

Without question, the biggest faith hurdle is establishing a regular prayer life.  Oh, I’ve tried so many different things.  Earlier this year, I thought of doing a Year of Prayer, and taking each month to try a different form of daily prayer (the rosary, spiritual reading, praying with the saints, etc.), just to see what I liked.

I kept it up for about four months, and then it just sort of fell apart.  For one thing, I never quite hit on the best time of day to pray.  But the other thing I realized is that the exercise was turning prayer into one more thing on my “to do” list.

So lately, I’ve been trying mindfulness: thinking of God and inviting God into each moment.  I imagine God sitting with me as I email or drive in the car or do umpteen million other things.  I tell him whatever is on my mind, even the stupid things.  It’s feeling more like a real relationship now than it has for a long time.  That’s a good thing.

Now, I live firmly in the heart of the Midwest (which, on a good day, I’ll call God’s country along with all the other Buckeyes), so I can’t help but see greener grass where you live in California.  Are you native to that area?  What do you love (or hate or both) about life in California?

Yes, I’m a native Californian.  I grew up in Silicon Valley; my dad was an electrical engineer, as were most of my friends’ dads.  In spite of that, I have managed to become one of the least tech-savvy people I know (just ask my husband).

Where I live (the San Francisco Bay Area) is really beautiful, and wonderfully diverse.  It’s great to go to Mass and see so many different people from so many different places.  It really underscores the global nature of Catholicism.  And, interestingly, California has quite a Catholic past, with its chain of missions up and down the state.
That said, it’s crowded here.  And once the rainy season of early spring has passed, you don’t get rain until the late fall, usually.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it means that the hills turn brown.  I like green.  When we visit my in-laws in upstate New York, I just can’t get over the forests, and those lush hills.  It’s gorgeous.  I think I have a little bit of green envy.

You are one of the Catholic moms I look to in my ongoing battle against the juggling disease.  As a high school teacher, writer, mother, wife, and many other things, can you share some wisdom with how you get it all done?

I guess it’s a few things.  I’ve let myself off the hook in terms of cleaning on a rigid schedule.   I clean house when I just can’t stand it anymore, or when company is coming, but I don’t do it every week.  My husband fully supports me in this, bless him.

When I’m teaching, about two meals a week are the frozen-in-a-bag-dump-them-in-the-skillet variety.  I actually like cooking, but I save the more ambitious dinners for weekends and try to make enough for leftovers.

Both of the boys are amazing sleepers; once they’re down at night, they’re down.  That’s a lifesaver in terms of getting work done in the evenings.   My parents live nearby and are eager babysitters, which is a HUGE gift, and my husband has a bit of flexibility with his hours.

And, you know, you find time to do the things you really love (that must be why I clean house so rarely).   In a way, I don’t think writing is really a choice for me.   It’s my sanity-saver.  It’s also a form of prayer, too, come to think of it.

Ginny, thanks so much for sharing so much with us.  Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Come visit my blog!  It’s called Mary and Me, and that’s pretty much what it is: some of the posts are about Mary, and some are about me and the random topics that fill my days (including Sesame Street, watching BBC dramas, and looking up the definition of “corker.”)  I’d love to get to know you there!

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