The Importance of Words

A Mary Moment Monday post

I have a fascination with words. I can’t help it: not only am I an avid reader and a prolific writer, I’m a word nerd.

We can say, especially on the playground of childhood, that “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but we’re wrong.

Words do hurt.

Pictures may take a thousand and actions may speak louder, but words say something.

Sometimes, it’s not what we mean.

I’ve been guilty recently of taking words the wrong way. I’ve been hurt by others misinterpreting my words.

It seems inevitable that words will bring pain.

Oh, they bring joy and happiness, too. Who doesn’t cherish the sweet murmurings of a child or a lover’s whisper? Who hasn’t been humbled by unexpected praise and unsolicited encouragement?

How tempting, though, to hold those hurtful words close, to replay them, to delve into them and their many possible meanings. By the time I’m done with them, sometimes–even when they were unintentionally hurtful–I have a gaping wound inside.

I’ve come to appreciate the Catholic practice of regular confession and discernment in my battle against and with words. When I’m in frequent communication with God–which involves a lot of slowing down, silencing myself, and listening–I find that I’m able to step back from the words and their allure.

In that space, I can sometimes cooperate with the clarity and the grace God sends my way. With that divine help, I can forgive myself, over and over.

Because until I’ve forgiven myself, the forgiving I do of others doesn’t seem to “stick” in my soul.

When I repeat others’ words, am I harboring resentment, growing bitterness, fostering unforgiveness? Am I thinking and rethinking about old hurts and words that have no real meaning now, though they did then? How can I give these words, important as they are to me now, to God, to let him bear the burden?

As with so many other struggles in my life, I turn to Mary. In Scripture, I see, more than anything else, that she was silent. She pondered. She waited. She held on to God’s promises and believed them with her entire being.

When she appears to us now, whether at Guadalupe or Lourdes or in any number of other sites, she doesn’t preach. She usually says a few things, not long paragraphs of theology.

She speaks simply, sincerely. I could learn a lot from Mary in my use of words, whether professionally or personally. I would do well to turn to her example and let it lead me always closer to my true center, her Son.

image credit: MorgueFile

Snowy Saturday Daybook

Outside my window: Snow! On the ground!

Around the house: There’s a pile of people–Daddy and girls–on my couch, watching a movie. The boy is dragging a stool around the kitchen counters, seeing what fun he can find.

What I’ve been writing: I’ve been treading water and keeping up with my weekly commitments. I have plans for a book proposal, though, and need to work on that soon. The idea is THERE, even sort of fleshed out, so it’s time to ACT.

In my thoughts: The HHS Mandate and the “compromise” that’s really a bait-and-switch. And Rick Santorum. And changing my blogging frequency.

In my plans: I have to get my PSR lesson done for next week. We have a few weeks off soon, and I’m hoping to get ahead, but no guarantees. There’s also rumor of a date sometime soon, and hey! Ministry scheduling next week should take some major time off my purgatory… :)

In thanksgiving: For the cuddles of children. For laughs with friends. For nieces who text me. For online games with extended family.

In my prayers: For a woman who’s expecting to deliver her encephalitic baby soon. For a woman whose five-month-old baby recently died. For some special intentions.

Nose inserted: I’m finishing Unbridled Grace: A True Story about the Power of Choice, by Michael Norman, this weekend. I’m debating which book is next. I’m trying valiantly to also read The End and the Beginning: Pope John Paul II–The Struggle for Freedom, the Last Years, the Legacy, by George Weigel, but I’m not doing so well. I’m still in the first chapter. I need to set a goal of one chapter every couple of days, I think.

Links I like: (You can find more in the sidebar or on my FriendFeed)

  • Canterbury Tales has a post that I used for an upcoming parish bulletin explaining the rules of fasting and abstinence. Now’s the time to brush up and get ready!
  • Suscipio is doing a “Moments of Grace” link-up every Friday, and I’m so inspired by it! I’m hoping to join in next week.
  • Karina Fabian shares five things writers shouldn’t do. Great advice and good reminders.
  • Melissa Wiley cracks me up…and so does her husband.
  • Brandon Vogt shares a video and considers what the most powerful tool for evangelization really is.
  • Darwin looks at the fallacy food stamps as living poor.

Pick of the week: Pat Gohn’s “A God with Toes” at Patheos this week.

Food for thought: In my inbox this morning, courtesy of BenedictEveryday.com:

It is certainly not by chance that people are nowadays turning again to Mary, in whom Christianity becomes loveable again and close to us, and we really do find the door again through the Mother.

–Pope Benedict XVI

Worth a thousand words: From Jon Fitz

Courtesy of Jon Fitz

It’s Not About Me

Today, I celebrate my 35th birthday.

There are at least two things I can guarantee about today.

First, I will get at least one phone call with singing from distant family. After their serenade, we’ll all laugh, they’ll ask how I am, and we’ll hang up.

Second, my daughters are going to enjoy this afternoon. They have been plotting and planning. They are up to something, and my seven-year-old especially doesn’t miss a chance to drop a hint or wink at her father across the room.

I am 35, an age I have never really thought about. Turning 30 was enough of an adventure for the rest of my life, thanks.

I’m not a big celebrator of my own birthday. I’m just not. I don’t know why.

But recently, a friend who has a talent for making me think pointed out something to me, “It’s really not about you.”

And you know, she has a point.

It’s not about me. It might be MY birthday, but isn’t this day more about other people’s celebration of my life? My parents, my husband, my children, and my friends all get a chance to thank God for the scourge pain presence I am in their lives.

Motherhood has stretched me and challenged me more than anything else in life. If I had to put my finger on one thing it’s taught me, it’s that phrase my friend uses to bring me to my senses. It’s not about me.

So today, as I bumble through a Tuesday that will be less typical than last week, I’m going to offer a prayer of thanksgiving for each of the little hurdles and reality checks that are sure to come my way. I’m going to do my best to be grateful for the gift that another year is to me.

And I’m going to eat some chocolate. (Hey, it IS my birthday!)

image source

A Monday Daybook

Outside my window: The moon was hovering over the western horizon as a big tangerine. My seven-year-old pointed it out to me as we were waiting for the bus. I can’t get the image of it out of my mind. The light outside is still soft and new, but won’t be that way for long.

Around the house: The dishwasher and washing machine are busy doing their work, the four-year-old is beside me making a deck of horse cards into a quite hilarious drama, and the mancub is “sleeping” (he stopped singing, and I’m going to blog in that small window of time).

In my thoughts: I’m thinking of the blessing of another year, the joy of Christmas, and the lovely smell of the Dutch apple pie candle that’s burning on the counter nearby.

In my plans: I surely have plans, I just can’t think of what they are. Today, I’m going to figure out what’s for dinner this week and I’m going to start in on the recurring to-do list. There are some twists and turns ahead this week, but we’ll take those one at a time.

In thanksgiving: For peace, despite mental chaos. For the kids in my life. For the friends who won’t let me forget what this week is, despite my own attempts to play it down. For my husband.

Nose inserted: I am reading the first of the Young Chesterton Chronicles, The Tripods Attack!, by John McNichol. I’m also reading an advance copy of the tenth edition of Surviving Depression: A Catholic Approach, by Kathryn Hermes. Last week, I started Strengthening Your Family: A Catholic Approach to Holiness at Home, by Marge Fenelon.

Recent reads: 

  • Who’s There?, by Seth Godin - Read in part because I’m a nerd and in part because I blog each week about blogging over at the Catholic Writers Guild blog, and I thought this would be a good resource. It was free and quick and I was okay with it. Not a bad introduction to blogging and things online, even if it was written long enough ago to be a touch out-of-date. I’m always looking for resources to share with writers who want to blog but aren’t sure how to start, and this is pretty decent for that end.
  • Darkling Fields of Arvon, by James Anderson and Mark Sebanc – I enjoyed reading the first book in this series, and I enjoyed this one as well. In fact, my reading it (which was long overdue–it’s been on my shelf for far too long!) inspired me to share the series with my husband. I found the names a bit difficult (but I always do with these fantasy types of books), but enjoyed the story immensely. It moves pretty well, has an underlying tone that’s intriguing, and is, all in all, a good read.

Food for thought: No wise man ever wished to be younger. (From CoolNSmart.com)

Worth a thousand words: On either side of my kitchen sink and the window above it (because, though I didn’t muster together a whole Marian post, I can at least share some lovely images, right?):

Taking Some Time

A Mary Moment Monday post

He bet me, a few weeks ago, that I couldn’t spend a week offline.

How did he know that I was considering that very thing?

Well…here goes!

I’m scheduling this post ahead of time and will be offline all week.

All. Week. Long.

No blogging. No blog reading. No status updating or tweeting. Probably no emailing either.

It won’t kill me. In fact, I have this scheduled as a Mary Moment Monday post because I can’t help but think that there’s a hint of Mary’s touch in this.

Knowing your limits. Taking time to notice and be and pause. Enjoying hands-on activities and maybe even cleaning up the house (though let’s not hold our breath on that).

Mary must have known how to pace herself, how to savor the moment, how to stop and sit.

Much of my work is done thanks to my computer and the internet. It’s through this miracle of technology that I can work from home and stay connected to a position that used to have me going to an office. It’s thanks to this that I can write from home.

But it’s also thanks to all of this that I never seem able to be offline. Ever.

This week between Christmas and New Year, when our parish office is closed anyway and not much is going on anywhere else seems the perfect time to carve out an internet fast.

I’ll still be around. And with my rather ambitious reading goals for 2012, it doesn’t hurt to get started now. :) And hey, you can always call me if you have my number…

See you next week!

image credit 

Mary in the Daily Grind

A Mary Moment Monday post

It feels like we’re more than halfway through the summer, but maybe that’s because I had myself a wee bit busy in June and it was gone before I could blink properly.

We’re moved into our new house and last week I even hung pictures. I’ve been thinking about decorating, which is so unlike me that I have had to stop and check to see if I’m breathing.

In our old house, I had lost hope. I felt like we were stuck, like it was a sinkhole, like all we could do was wait. I don’t defend that thinking, but it’s where I was.

And then, wow! Hey! The house down the road came up for sale and suddenly, we were moving. We kept waiting for the sale to fall through, for something to not work out, for it to be too good to be true. And…it never did. Here we are.

This house is one of the most visible signs of God’s love I’ve gotten in a while (barring my children). The last one was my husband’s job, which came out of nowhere almost four years ago, just as we were having our middle child (literally–they called him for the second interview while we were in the hospital).

Though my office remains a pile of boxes and there are odds and ends that I’ll be unpacking for probably months, we’re pretty much here. So much so that we’ve even gotten into a bit of a daily grind, a routine of sorts that is starting to feel familiar.

In that familiarity, I’ve been thinking of Mary. Part of it is that I have images of her all over my kitchen. Part of it is that familiarity has a way of leading me to taking things for granted and even to a sort of boredom.

I am a study of contradiction: I want things to change! change! change! but I abhor the new and different. I’m mired firmly in my way of doing things, but I’m always looking for something better.

My constant is Mary. Through the rosary, I feel like I’ve been gripping her and letting the chaos swirl around me. In the comfort of her embrace, I open my eyes to see none other than her Son.

There’s nothing boring about what she offers me in her Son. She urges me to say Yes, and to remember that she is always with me.

When we are down and out, we can turn to Mary. Sharing our pain and embarrassment, we can find in her a wise and gentle friend. Mary understands because she has walked the same challenging road we’re on. She can give us counsel and support because she has been there herself. She can guide and direct us because she has finished the course. Even more, she can give us her prayers. When we are too tired to pray, too disillusioned to hope, too afraid to try again, Mary is there, as is God. When we feel more like children than like mothers, Mary consoles us.

Jaymie Stuart Wolfe in Expecting a Miracle: A Companion Through Pregnancy

I’m turning to Mary, especially as I embrace what the rest of the summer holds for me (rolling with a new manuscript, primarily, and lots of daily grind).

Don’t forget that the next cycle of Total Consecration begins this Wednesday, July 13, and ends on the feast of the Assumption, August 15. You can order free materials from MyConsecration.org or use the free online resources at TotalConsecration.com.

Seven for Our Lady

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It’s the feast of Our Lady of Fatima, and I had grand plans to do a post in honor of her.

And then life hit.

So you get, instead, this mish-mash post.

(Which might be more in keeping with my devotion to Mary, now that I think about it: very much immersed in what happens in the present moment of my life.)

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Speaking of the present moment, that Major Life Change I’ve alluded to for a few weeks? Well, it all comes to a head next week.

We’re moving.

There. I’ve said it.

And you’ll laugh when you find out that it’s essentially across the street.

Mary gets total credit for this one. Was it six or eight months ago that I gave up on a new house altogether and just accepted that we would be spending some time in this old house, spiders and wasps and all?

Yeah, well. Guess God had a different plan…and I can’t help but wonder if I had to just let go to let his plan work? Hmm.

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So back to Our Lady of Fatima (hope you don’t have whiplash). The always wise and lovely Pat Gohn has a wonderful article over at Patheos that you should read: A Bullet in Our Lady’s Crown.

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I can’t help but think, on this feast of Our Lady of Fatima–who called herself Our Lady of the Rosary to the children in Fatima–about my devotion to the rosary and how it’s the prayer I have to say to arm myself for my life.

If you’re NOT devoted to the rosary, I encourage you to give a decade a try today. Ask Mary to help you. Pick a mystery that seems to speak to you. And then…just like exercise (which is MY particular weakness)…just DO it.

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I wrote about Our Lady of Fatima over at Catholic Exchange a few years ago. She’s a great reminder to me that I can’t do it all and that I shouldn’t even try. Call it setting my priorities, call it living in the present, call it following God’s will: I call it Mary at work in my life. Learning more about her different titles and the reasons for them–including Our Lady of Fatima–has been one of the best things for me.

(“Thing” seems like the wrong word, but I’m not sure how to categorize it: educational practice? spiritual enrichment? obsessive stalking of Mary?)

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Mary’s role is ALWAYS to bring us closer to her Son. In that spirit, I encourage you to read my review and enter to win your own copy of Eric Sammons’s book, Who Is Jesus Christ? Unlocking the Gospel of Matthew. He’s generously donated a copy to CatholicMom.com, though, really, it’s a book worth buying. I was so impressed that I think I’ll be buying copies to give as gifts to those hard-to-buy-for people in my life.

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I want to end this post on a happy note. I feel very-VERY-VERRRRRY blessed. Some of my prayers–prayers I didn’t even really put words to–have been answered lately, and in a way far more wonderful than I could have imagined. If I’m quiet here on the blog (or dipping into the archives) in the next week, know that, despite any complaining you hear from me, that I credit Mama Mary with continuing to encourage me to do my best to cooperate with God’s grace and continue to try to rest in her Son’s arms.

Be sure to visit Jen at Conversion Diary for all of the 7 Quick Takes Friday posts.

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