Our Lady of Girlfriends

A Mary Moment Monday post

The toughest critic many of us face as wives, mothers, and women in general are fellow females. We are our own worst enemies.

Even so, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather call on a dreary morning than the older mom-friend I have who always insists I come over. When I get good news, my best friend gets at least one excited text, and often a phone call, too. And if I need a shoulder, I have a short list of ladies who are on-call.

I’ve come to realize, especially since becoming a mother, that the challenges of womanhood are bigger than my ability to deal with them alone. I love my husband, and he is truly my best friend, but he’s not a girlfriend.

After a weekend at the Behold Conference, I can’t help but think of Mary as Our Lady of Girlfriends. I feel this way after I spend any amount of time with groups of God-fearing, humor-loving, faith-sharing women.

Surely Mary felt the sting of her fellow women. She was an unmarried mother in a time and place when that was not accepted.

She said yes, not only to the glory, but to the pain and sorrow that she might not have even suspected. She said yes to the joy of holding a bundle of boy joy, and she said yes to the horror of watching him scorned throughout his life. She said yes to the wonder of motherhood, and she said yes to the trials of motherhood.

I can’t help but think, though I have no proof, that Mary must have had at least one good girlfriend. She must have had someone who encouraged her in prayer, who she could be “real” around, who appreciated the lady beyond the pedestal (because surely there was such a person).

There are many times when I find myself inspired by the women around me, and they inevitably make me think of Mary. She was probably the kind of friend you could always count on, the one who would sit up with you at night, would always pick up the phone (or lean over the fence, as the time period called for), would pray for you even when you hadn’t asked for it.

I picture Mary as the perfect girlfriend for a cup of tea or a glass of wine or even a mug of beer. I see her equally as well in jeans and a comfy sweatshirt, cigarette in hand, as I do in a lovely evening gown with sparkly earrings.

She’s one of us, after all, in all the best ways. And to top it off, she leads us closer to Christ!

image credit: MorgueFile

The Importance of Words

A Mary Moment Monday post

I have a fascination with words. I can’t help it: not only am I an avid reader and a prolific writer, I’m a word nerd.

We can say, especially on the playground of childhood, that “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but we’re wrong.

Words do hurt.

Pictures may take a thousand and actions may speak louder, but words say something.

Sometimes, it’s not what we mean.

I’ve been guilty recently of taking words the wrong way. I’ve been hurt by others misinterpreting my words.

It seems inevitable that words will bring pain.

Oh, they bring joy and happiness, too. Who doesn’t cherish the sweet murmurings of a child or a lover’s whisper? Who hasn’t been humbled by unexpected praise and unsolicited encouragement?

How tempting, though, to hold those hurtful words close, to replay them, to delve into them and their many possible meanings. By the time I’m done with them, sometimes–even when they were unintentionally hurtful–I have a gaping wound inside.

I’ve come to appreciate the Catholic practice of regular confession and discernment in my battle against and with words. When I’m in frequent communication with God–which involves a lot of slowing down, silencing myself, and listening–I find that I’m able to step back from the words and their allure.

In that space, I can sometimes cooperate with the clarity and the grace God sends my way. With that divine help, I can forgive myself, over and over.

Because until I’ve forgiven myself, the forgiving I do of others doesn’t seem to “stick” in my soul.

When I repeat others’ words, am I harboring resentment, growing bitterness, fostering unforgiveness? Am I thinking and rethinking about old hurts and words that have no real meaning now, though they did then? How can I give these words, important as they are to me now, to God, to let him bear the burden?

As with so many other struggles in my life, I turn to Mary. In Scripture, I see, more than anything else, that she was silent. She pondered. She waited. She held on to God’s promises and believed them with her entire being.

When she appears to us now, whether at Guadalupe or Lourdes or in any number of other sites, she doesn’t preach. She usually says a few things, not long paragraphs of theology.

She speaks simply, sincerely. I could learn a lot from Mary in my use of words, whether professionally or personally. I would do well to turn to her example and let it lead me always closer to my true center, her Son.

image credit: MorgueFile

The Way: A Rave Review & a Chance to Win It!

 

Read my review of The Way and enter to win by Friday, March 2!

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Our Lady of Lent

A Mary Moment Monday post

I don’t think I started really appreciating the role Mary plays in my Lenten experience until two years ago. That was the year of Mary at the Mardi Gras parade and Mary throughout my Lent (and Lent throughout my year, really).

When faced with insurmountable challenges, Mary never fails to inspire me. She doesn’t inspire me in a distant way, but in a diving-in-right-beside-me kind of way. She’s there, whether I notice her or not, just as she was beside her son through the joys and through the sorrows.

Mary’s before me this Lent, too. I don’t know why: I feel an anticipation of her presence, like she’s waiting for me in a special way.

As I usually do, I’ve made a plan for my Lent. This year, I like to think I’m braced for the inevitable failure.

But…I can’t help but wonder: am I ever really ready for failure?

That’s where Mary comes in right now. She can be a model for me of courage in the face of the unknown, trust in the midst of chaos, hope in the likelihood of darkness, laughter in the possibility of failure.

Our Lady of Lent, pray for me.

(I found this image of Our Lady of Amsterdam at MorgueFile and…wow. I just love it, don’t you?)

Have you seen Celebrating Lent with Mary? It’s a great resource that I have been using for the last couple of years.

Jeff Young (who you might know as The Catholic Foodie) is holding a Mardi Gras special on his website services. If you’re even remotely in the market for web design, I encourage you to act quickly…his offer’s only good through Ash Wednesday!

And, finally, I can’t resist a reminder that tomorrow’s your last chance to enter my February book giveaway.

Valentines for Mary

A Mary Moment Monday post

Valentine’s Day is a big deal around my house. From the time she could recognize a heart, my seven-year-old has been asking me to cut them out for her. She decorates piles of them. One year, she sent them to everyone in the family.

This year has been no different. From about January 2, she’s been cutting out hearts, drawing hearts, decorating hearts, and thinking of Valentine’s Day.

She’s been talking about who’s in her class and who else gets Valentines. She’s been planning and drawing and thinking and talking.

I used to be cynical about Valentine’s Day, but my daughter has changed my heart. Her enthusiasm has warmed me to a holiday that used to make me roll my eyes.

Here, in the longest short month of the year, we have a reprieve of the gray days and the gloom around us. We have candy unbounded, colorful hearts, and the reminder to love.

From my children, I see what God has in mind for love. They are unconditional and open with their love. They don’t hesitate to give everyone a paper heart with sparkles and special embellishments. It doesn’t even have to be Valentine’s Day: they are this way all year long!

On Valentine’s Day, I have a special reason to stop and pause, to remember what it means to be excited about this feast day.

How much must God love me, that he not only blessed me with these children, but also with the many other people who grace my life with moments of joy and sharing? How often do I really express my love to those people who hold my heart?

Looking to Mary, I see an example of love, the complete picture. She had eros with God, and she also had agape. She’s the model for me of what my Valentines should contain this year.

And the Valentine I can give her is to abandon myself more completely to her heart. If I let go, she’ll lead me right to him.

Turning to Mary

A Mary Moment Monday post

I’ve struggled this winter. I’ve tried to stay quiet about it, because it’s intensely personal and maybe a percentage of it is my imagination (or so I’d like to think).

I originally blamed it on Christmas, but it didn’t really stop when Christmas was over.

Then my husband said something so gently and yet so firmly, and I was unable to ignore it any longer.

There are plenty of Low Self-Esteem Days in my life. I’m not the only one who has them, because I stole this phrase from a colleague of mine many years ago.

What’s been going on lately is beyond low self-esteem. It’s the D-word rearing its ugly head. The battle is not so easily over.

It is, yet again, a reminder of how much, how often, how deeply I need to turn to Mary. There is a danger in isolation, and I find, when I’m slipping down the slope past low self-esteem into something darker, that I start to detach myself (and not in any kind of good way). I put distance between myself and everything I can.

Yet as I feel the gap between me and others grows, I feel the contradictory longing for an embrace. Even as I shrug others off and curl up against them, I want them to know, to be with me, to support me.

That’s where Mary comes in. She doesn’t push herself on me and she always seems to know what to say. Somehow, she is just there, without words, without judging, without weight.

And in her presence, I always find myself leaning toward her Son, reaching for the Light and knowing that the cross I bear (however unwillingly) is not borne alone.

*

Over at Suscipio, a post from my early archives is reprinted with my enthusiastic support. Go on over and read about Low Self-Esteem Days, and then poke around at the other good stuff that’s there. Jenny’s doing a great job building a site that’s meant to support and encourage Catholic women.

image credit: Jenny at Suscipio

Did Mary yell at Jesus?

A Mary Moment Monday post

Did Mary yell at Jesus? I ask myself that question a lot sometimes.

Like the day I started the draft of this post.

I was trying to remain patient. I was doing my best to keep my voice calm.

I failed. I failed big.

If ever you think I am a model of motherhood or a mentor to emulate, let me set things straight right now. If you look at me and think, “I want to be like Sarah Reinhard when I grow up,” let me correct you loudly. If you smile when you read this and think I’m exaggerating, don’t tell me, because I will want to smack you.

I fail all. the. time. It’s part and parcel of who I am, how I’m made, what I struggle with.

Yelling: an ongoing struggle, a bad habit I fall back upon when I feel pushed, stressed, or otherwise cornered, and something I feel called, of late, to address.

It isn’t going to be easy to address.

Ask my fifth-grade PSR class: I’m not soft-spoken. Ask my husband: I’m not quiet. Ask my friends: I’m not calm.

So yelling fits right in, in many ways, with who I am.

Or so I used to think.

But that question keeps coming up in my mind when I think about yelling. Did Mary yell at Jesus?

Well, maybe she did: ”Jeeeeeeesuuuuus! Time for dinner! Come in, wash up!”

I can’t help but think, with some amusement, that she was one of the only people who could yell his name and not be guilty of breaking the Second Commandment.

On the other hand, I can’t help but continue to feel called to silence in different ways. And in that, my tendency to yell seems to clash.

My husband doesn’t yell a lot. For one thing, he doesn’t need to. When it comes to the kids, he can “growl” with great effectiveness. (Sudden insight: I need to learn to growl!) For another thing, he has presence. I can’t explain it more than that, but I get the feeling that it’s ingrained, not something I can learn.

Did Mary yell at Jesus, the way I slip and yell when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed? Did she give in to the emotion and let it out through her voice?

Is my yelling indicative of a lack of self-control? Does it point to a need for greater trust in others, in myself, in God?

As I consider my own question and Mary’s response in other areas, I think I stand a lot to learn, as usual, from Jesus’ mom. Maybe she did yell, but it wouldn’t have been in a way that would have been sinful. She certainly felt frustration, but did she give in and act on it?

Once again, I find myself turning to Mary and leaning back into her arms. I’m going to do my best, this week, to ask for her help when I’m on the brink of yelling in ways that aren’t positive.

image credit

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